Gracie Gold Gets Real with Page-Turning Autobiography "Outofshapeworthlessloser"

There's a dose of ominous foreshadowing in the table of contents to Gracie Gold's new autobiography "Outofshapeworthlessloser: A Memoir of Figure Skating, F*cking Up, and Figuring It Out."

Arranged in four parts, the 329-page bestseller includes chapters ranging from "Perfect Obsession" and "Four Is the Loneliest Number" to "Failed Anorexic" and a nod to another dark page-turning literary work (and soundtrack to a skating performance), "East of Eden." 

As reported by initial critical reviews for the book titled after one of Gold's self-disparaging nicknames or personas, her work includes vivid and frank details of life experiences the 28-year-old endured and from which she continues to heal. Anorexia, OCD, pill popping and alcohol abuse populate the club flush of crud and wild Jokers on the table for readers to ponder.  

Gold's mostly no-holds-barred perspectives about U.S. Figure Skating and the unglamorous (often ugly) behind-the-scenes realities of international figure skating competitions also are in full view. Her take on recent doping revelations is aptly stern. She also alleges a rape at the hands of a fellow competitor, references her bisexuality, and delves into nearly three decades of family secrets including her parents and fellow athlete twin sister. 

Impressed (or distressed) the morning after a full read, I described to friends that "Outofshapeworthlessloser" is akin to "watching a slow-motion train wreck or seemingly avoidable car crash" for the narrative's "ability to inspire both gasps and cringes amid an irresistible desire to keep watching, err, reading" with "reader remorse at an inability to take the wheel, inspiring one to holler out, as in a horror movie screening, 'Stop, girl, don't go near there!' or similar when the protagonist in danger is about to make a terrible decision."  

The book also inspired some rabbit hole searches of social media archives to view past posts, images or videos and competition footage referenced by Gold. 

While she did not specifically reference the 2014 Team USA Media Summit at which I reported on her ascent to the Sochi Olympics, Gold did describe her experiences at the 2015 U.S. Figure Skating Championships from which this blogger posted interviews. Some of her harshest on-ice self-flogging is revealed in a chapter describing the 2016 World Figure Skating Championships in Boston. 

There are some light moments, too, that brought a smile or chuckle to this reader. Gold's wry sense of humor shines through some of her interactions with coaches or media. In an early chapter, while detailing work with a youth skating coach nicknamed Cruella, Gold punctuates several paragraphs of verbal abuse with this gem:

"When Cruella lashed out at me, I lashed back louder. Anger was my protection. It got back to me years later that Cruella told people she had always known I'd become a star. I call bullshit! She was doing her best to humiliate me. Or maybe she didn't like me because I stood up to her."

On a more serious note, Gold continues while aptly taking to task the notion of coaching as a bully.

"The years I spent with Cruella normalized the kind of controlling behavior that even if it produces positive results on the ice, can be ruinous to a child's personal development."

Readers may find joy through the Olympian's interactions with Taylor Swift (they baked cookies together) or descriptions of collaboration with sponsors including cosmetics brand CoverGirl. 

In the realm of funny-not funny, Gold describes some of the name-punctuated headlines published to preview Sochi 2014. 

"I remember someone tweeting out to me, 'If I hear one more Gracie Gold headline, I'm going to scream.' And I was like, 'Me too, bud.' It was enough to make me start wishing for a new name. Stacy Silver or Bonnie Bronze, anyone?"

Gold's dry wit also shines in the Chapter 23, in which "chest size and its impact on exercise is absolutely a conversation worth starting." While several notes echoed remarks of female friends who, like Gold, opted for breast reduction surgery, I found the author's self-deprecating comparisons to Charles Schulz drawings -- and her inventive use of (one-time PR client'o'mine) KT Tape -- both original and funny (back in the day, we never had Gold's method in KT press materials). 

The only letdown from "Outofshapeworthlessloser" was Gold's restraint from sharing more than a few sentences about another professional mental health diagnosis: attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), buried on page 246. 

Like Gold, my attention-deficit diagnosis arrived in my mid-20s, and upon reading her disclosure I was eager to learn the treatment options or behavior modifications she chose, only to find a succinct reference that she is "on medication for it" without specifics (for moi, decidedly drug-free and it worked/works when you work it, though it's compelling to admit it took me over two weeks sidelined by countless Instagram scrolls to find focus and complete this book review post).

Juxtaposed with comparative oversharing around other wellness challenges, Gold's omission of ADHD details inspired a wave of questions, starting with the extent to which her physicians or therapists place ADHD as the deepest roots of the battery of her other mental health diagnoses. In my case, the hypochondriac on my shoulder labeled, or mislabeled, a lot of "stuff" that more recent therapists consistently trace back to ADD of youth. 

As her childhood memories fill the early pages of "Outofshapeworthlessloser," Gold describes persistent restlessness. If ice hockey was among her parents' attempted remedies for channeling her boundless energy, can Gold relate to other kids' ADD-ness enlightened by her adult experiences? Guess we'll have to find out in her mid-life or later life follow-up books after planting her ADHD "sea legs" on thick ice. 

Since interview requests for Gold went unanswered by her publicity team, I turned to another source for insights: Karen Crouse, Gold's seldom-cited "Outofshapeworthlessloser" ghost writer. 

As of this March 12 post, only two other book reviewers mentioned Crouse by name. 

Via email, Crouse affirmed my hunch that only Gold could speak more about her ADHD management and the reasons for sparsely addressing the topic. It's perhaps too recent a diagnosis or it's simply not as page-turning urgent as other mental health challenges, from my view.

Crouse also was generous in explaining how she tackled the "Outofshapeworthlessloser" project and when she started the writing on Gold's initiative.

"I signed (gladly) a contract that stated I would ghostwrite Gracie's book and that my name would not appear on the cover or title page," wrote Crouse in a Feb. 26 email response. "I had no issue with that arrangement ... it was plenty good enough for me."

Crouse continued that, "My satisfaction was wholly and richly derived from the collaborative process. I loved the work. From the time I spent talking with Gracie for a 2019 New York Times profile, I suspected that this project would be interesting and profound, with great potential to help many readers who recognize themselves in the challenges [Gold] has faced."

According to Crouse, once a proposal and contract got formalized, the collaboration hastened in early 2022 with "at least three" in person visits as well as phone conversations "at least twice a month ... recorded and that I transcribed myself so I could get a feel for Gracie's vocabulary and speech patterns." 

Rounds of drafts later, the lion's share of work concluded last July. Crouse also volunteered background on the foundation for the text.

"It was Gracie's choice to lay bare her soul in the pages," wrote Crouse. "She told me before I signed on ... that she didn't want 'another fluffy sports memoir' and that was all I needed to hear as I had no interest in hagiography.

"From the start I simply asked the necessary questions to develop and deepen the narrative," Crouse added. "[Gold] provided the compelling stories that I, in concert with our editor, crafted into a coherent - hopefully - structure." 

Gold closes the book's acknowledgements "To Matt Inman for the edits" shortly after a dedication "To Karen Crouse for going on this journey ... and helping me write a better memoir than I could have ever dreamed possible." 

For anyone who can't get enough of Gold's perspectives, Crouse also helped the skater with a thoughtful and timely Olympic figure skating commentary published in The Cut during the Beijing 2022 Winter Games. 

"Outofshapeworthlessloser" is an absorbing read that inspires questions, sheds light in dark corners of international skating, and leaves readers with optimism for Gold's future on or off the ice. No matter the degree to which readers manage ADD, they may find themselves hyper-focused on learning the Olympian's lifetime of hard work. 

As of this post, there are no publicized book signing events in the weeks ahead, but Gold may appear at November's 8th edition of "Scott Hamilton & Friends" in Nashville (where she performed in 2022 and 2023) -- details are posted at this link during summer months.  

Book cover provided by Crown Publishing with book design by Caroline Cunningham. All other images -- except of Karen Crouse's Instagram profile image -- are photos copyright Nicholas Wolaver and may not be published nor reposted without written advance permission.