Gracie Gold Gets Real with Page-Turning Autobiography "Outofshapeworthlessloser"

There's a dose of ominous foreshadowing in the table of contents to Gracie Gold's new autobiography "Outofshapeworthlessloser: A Memoir of Figure Skating, F*cking Up, and Figuring It Out."

Arranged in four parts, the 329-page bestseller includes chapters ranging from "Perfect Obsession" and "Four Is the Loneliest Number" to "Failed Anorexic" and a nod to another dark page-turning literary work (and soundtrack to a skating performance), "East of Eden." 

As reported by initial critical reviews for the book titled after one of Gold's self-disparaging nicknames or personas, her work includes vivid and frank details of life experiences the 28-year-old endured and from which she continues to heal. Anorexia, OCD, pill popping and alcohol abuse populate the club flush of crud and wild Jokers on the table for readers to ponder.  

Gold's mostly no-holds-barred perspectives about U.S. Figure Skating and the unglamorous (often ugly) behind-the-scenes realities of international figure skating competitions also are in full view. Her take on recent doping revelations is aptly stern. She also alleges a rape at the hands of a fellow competitor, references her bisexuality, and delves into nearly three decades of family secrets including her parents and fellow athlete twin sister. 

Impressed (or distressed) the morning after a full read, I described to friends that "Outofshapeworthlessloser" is akin to "watching a slow-motion train wreck or seemingly avoidable car crash" for the narrative's "ability to inspire both gasps and cringes amid an irresistible desire to keep watching, err, reading" with "reader remorse at an inability to take the wheel, inspiring one to holler out, as in a horror movie screening, 'Stop, girl, don't go near there!' or similar when the protagonist in danger is about to make a terrible decision."  

The book also inspired some rabbit hole searches of social media archives to view past posts, images or videos and competition footage referenced by Gold. 

While she did not specifically reference the 2014 Team USA Media Summit at which I reported on her ascent to the Sochi Olympics, Gold did describe her experiences at the 2015 U.S. Figure Skating Championships from which this blogger posted interviews. Some of her harshest on-ice self-flogging is revealed in a chapter describing the 2016 World Figure Skating Championships in Boston. 

There are some light moments, too, that brought a smile or chuckle to this reader. Gold's wry sense of humor shines through some of her interactions with coaches or media. In an early chapter, while detailing work with a youth skating coach nicknamed Cruella, Gold punctuates several paragraphs of verbal abuse with this gem:

"When Cruella lashed out at me, I lashed back louder. Anger was my protection. It got back to me years later that Cruella told people she had always known I'd become a star. I call bullshit! She was doing her best to humiliate me. Or maybe she didn't like me because I stood up to her."

On a more serious note, Gold continues while aptly taking to task the notion of coaching as a bully.

"The years I spent with Cruella normalized the kind of controlling behavior that even if it produces positive results on the ice, can be ruinous to a child's personal development."

Readers may find joy through the Olympian's interactions with Taylor Swift (they baked cookies together) or descriptions of collaboration with sponsors including cosmetics brand CoverGirl. 

In the realm of funny-not funny, Gold describes some of the name-punctuated headlines published to preview Sochi 2014. 

"I remember someone tweeting out to me, 'If I hear one more Gracie Gold headline, I'm going to scream.' And I was like, 'Me too, bud.' It was enough to make me start wishing for a new name. Stacy Silver or Bonnie Bronze, anyone?"

Gold's dry wit also shines in the Chapter 23, in which "chest size and its impact on exercise is absolutely a conversation worth starting." While several notes echoed remarks of female friends who, like Gold, opted for breast reduction surgery, I found the author's self-deprecating comparisons to Charles Schulz drawings -- and her inventive use of (one-time PR client'o'mine) KT Tape -- both original and funny (back in the day, we never had Gold's method in KT press materials). 

The only letdown from "Outofshapeworthlessloser" was Gold's restraint from sharing more than a few sentences about another professional mental health diagnosis: attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), buried on page 246. 

Like Gold, my attention-deficit diagnosis arrived in my mid-20s, and upon reading her disclosure I was eager to learn the treatment options or behavior modifications she chose, only to find a succinct reference that she is "on medication for it" without specifics (for moi, decidedly drug-free and it worked/works when you work it, though it's compelling to admit it took me over two weeks sidelined by countless Instagram scrolls to find focus and complete this book review post).

Juxtaposed with comparative oversharing around other wellness challenges, Gold's omission of ADHD details inspired a wave of questions, starting with the extent to which her physicians or therapists place ADHD as the deepest roots of the battery of her other mental health diagnoses. In my case, the hypochondriac on my shoulder labeled, or mislabeled, a lot of "stuff" that more recent therapists consistently trace back to ADD of youth. 

As her childhood memories fill the early pages of "Outofshapeworthlessloser," Gold describes persistent restlessness. If ice hockey was among her parents' attempted remedies for channeling her boundless energy, can Gold relate to other kids' ADD-ness enlightened by her adult experiences? Guess we'll have to find out in her mid-life or later life follow-up books after planting her ADHD "sea legs" on thick ice. 

Since interview requests for Gold went unanswered by her publicity team, I turned to another source for insights: Karen Crouse, Gold's seldom-cited "Outofshapeworthlessloser" ghost writer. 

As of this March 12 post, only two other book reviewers mentioned Crouse by name. 

Via email, Crouse affirmed my hunch that only Gold could speak more about her ADHD management and the reasons for sparsely addressing the topic. It's perhaps too recent a diagnosis or it's simply not as page-turning urgent as other mental health challenges, from my view.

Crouse also was generous in explaining how she tackled the "Outofshapeworthlessloser" project and when she started the writing on Gold's initiative.

"I signed (gladly) a contract that stated I would ghostwrite Gracie's book and that my name would not appear on the cover or title page," wrote Crouse in a Feb. 26 email response. "I had no issue with that arrangement ... it was plenty good enough for me."

Crouse continued that, "My satisfaction was wholly and richly derived from the collaborative process. I loved the work. From the time I spent talking with Gracie for a 2019 New York Times profile, I suspected that this project would be interesting and profound, with great potential to help many readers who recognize themselves in the challenges [Gold] has faced."

According to Crouse, once a proposal and contract got formalized, the collaboration hastened in early 2022 with "at least three" in person visits as well as phone conversations "at least twice a month ... recorded and that I transcribed myself so I could get a feel for Gracie's vocabulary and speech patterns." 

Rounds of drafts later, the lion's share of work concluded last July. Crouse also volunteered background on the foundation for the text.

"It was Gracie's choice to lay bare her soul in the pages," wrote Crouse. "She told me before I signed on ... that she didn't want 'another fluffy sports memoir' and that was all I needed to hear as I had no interest in hagiography.

"From the start I simply asked the necessary questions to develop and deepen the narrative," Crouse added. "[Gold] provided the compelling stories that I, in concert with our editor, crafted into a coherent - hopefully - structure." 

Gold closes the book's acknowledgements "To Matt Inman for the edits" shortly after a dedication "To Karen Crouse for going on this journey ... and helping me write a better memoir than I could have ever dreamed possible." 

For anyone who can't get enough of Gold's perspectives, Crouse also helped the skater with a thoughtful and timely Olympic figure skating commentary published in The Cut during the Beijing 2022 Winter Games. 

"Outofshapeworthlessloser" is an absorbing read that inspires questions, sheds light in dark corners of international skating, and leaves readers with optimism for Gold's future on or off the ice. No matter the degree to which readers manage ADD, they may find themselves hyper-focused on learning the Olympian's lifetime of hard work. 

As of this post, there are no publicized book signing events in the weeks ahead, but Gold may appear at November's 8th edition of "Scott Hamilton & Friends" in Nashville (where she performed in 2022 and 2023) -- details are posted at this link during summer months.  

Book cover provided by Crown Publishing with book design by Caroline Cunningham. All other images -- except of Karen Crouse's Instagram profile image -- are photos copyright Nicholas Wolaver and may not be published nor reposted without written advance permission. 

The Scene At Olympic Figure Skating

With Saturday as a scheduled recovery/logistics day -- resting/relocating to coastal Gangneung for the next 12 days -- all bright eyed on Sunday I made it to my first PyeongChang 2018 Olympic event: Figure skating.

As I write this Monday afternoon, the two-day Team Event just concluded with Canada taking home gold, Olympic Athletes from Russia (OAR) silver and Team USA earning bronze. 

For non-photo journalists, the venue is set up with a media tribune spanning a couple of seating areas for broadcasters to air live commentaries, a few rows of tabled seats for writers with laptops, then corners of the arena for non-tabled press (that's me). 

Generally we are able to roam freely and to the ground level of the venue, which includes a "mixed zone" for athletes and journalists to stand in a queue for 1x1 or group interviews. 

There's also a big media tent with tables space for about 300 reporters, mostly filled both days. 

I read that spectators filled about 88 percent of the stands on Sunday, and today was probably more like 90 percent. 

Highlights from the experience:

• First interview in the mixed zone with Nicole Schott (GER) just after her Olympic debut. Her team publicist said she opted out of opening ceremony for rest, and I asked if she had any regrets about that choice. "I'm a really early sleeper, so I decided to concentrate on practice, but I'm going to do the closing." She considers one of her fellow competitors, Carolina Kostner (ITA) a hero, and Schott skated to one of my favorite Ennio Morricone compositions, "Nella Fantasia" performed by Jackie Evancho.

• Conversation with pairs skaters Maia and Alex Shibutani, who spoke with The New York Times' Jere Longman II for a story on the 10 a.m. competition times to accommodate the Western Hemisphere broadcast schedule. "There is no extra challenge; it's not like we found out a week ago. These are the best athletes in the world and they're gonna figure out how to get the job done" before answering my question about returning to Gangneung Ice Arena for their first 2018 skate on Olympic ice. Maia said, "It was really special to return. Before Sochi we did not have the opportunity to skate in the venue, so coming in [here] we had a year of positive visualization and just really happy memories, so being back here just feels really comfortable."

• Group interview with Bradie Tennell, a first-time Olympian, who explained she gets psyched up for competition with 70s and 80s rock music by the likes of Metallica, Queen and AC/DC. "It's kinda weird because people look at me like, 'oh, blond hair blue eyes' but that music is great for getting pumped up."

• Longer 1x1 interview with Canadian pairs skaters Meagan Duhamel and Eric Radford. I cornered them about their choice of music, "Hometown Glory" performed by Adele, which left this blogger in tears during their skate. Duhamel explained that she first heard the song in 2007 at a small venue in Montreal where Adele performed she was "ADELE" selling out arenas. "She was wearing this big, blue T-shirt and I yelled, 'I like your T-shirt' and she was like, 'Thanks, I don't like getting dressed up' and I was like oh, my god, I love this girl and I really loved that song and always have, so we started using it in 2012," said Duhamel, who added that last year she saw Adele perform again at one of Canada's biggest arenas. "She's inspired us., From the day we heard [Adele's] music we were so inspired by her passion."

• Spotting Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir in their commentary booth, later interviewing them about their PyeongChang experience so far. Donning my own Kodak Olympic pin featuring Lipinski's likeness, I asked the NBC Olympics duo if they ever thought of creating their own pins. "We know that the Olympics are big about pin collecting and trading, but we don't have our own pin but that's something to think about," said Weir. I brought up meeting Lipinski at Bud House in Vancouver (no surprise, she did not remember but was nice about it and laughed) and asked how things are going compared to Sochi. "We're having a blast," said Lipinski. "We've been waiting for this moment since Sochi to sit in a prime time booth, and it's overwhelming -- we're loving it." Weir said they'd go the distance for many more future Olympiads if given the chance. "As long as people will have us -- we love this job, it's a privilege and an honor to represent our sport to the masses in the United States and to teach them what they're seeing and give them real talk; we have the most fun doing it -- it's a dream," said Weir.

• Accepting a request from Mirai Nagasu to trade a pin; she offered a huge U.S. Figure Skating pin in exchange for a blogger pin for PyeongChang only moments after standing on the ceremonial medals podium (the medalist teams will accept their hard-earned hardware at Olympic Medals Plaza later tonight). 

Photos by Nicholas Wolaver

Jason Brown Delivers

 

The 2015 U.S. Figure Skating Championships concluded Sunday with the men's final.

It was fun to see 2014 Olympian Jason Brown rack up a score of 274.98 to win his first U.S. gold, while Adam Rippon achieved the silver and Joshua Farris won the bronze with 272.48 and 267.98, respectively.

The experience writing from the event was eye-opening and good fun. Got reacquainted with several Olympic reporters while making a few new friends with deep knowledge of figure skating. And the Greensboro locals and volunteers were courteous and helpful.

It was my hope to speak briefly with Tara Lipinski and/or Johnny Weir while in attendance. Unfortunately, Tara was busy as there was no Weir to be found except with her in the NBC booth overlooking the ice -- maybe next time.

I did, however, have the pleasure of spotting and introducing myself to Brian Boitano, an approachable and friendly Olympic champion. It hardly seems possible next month marks 27 years since his gold medal performance in Calgary.

There are still a few unanswered questions from the overall experience:

-- When audience members toss plush toys, flowers or other gifts onto the ice for competitors, why do the girls and boys who retrieve these items (to clear the ice) skate with their arms extended like Stretch Armstrong?
-- When will coaches and female athletes at last retire the music and costumes of "Carmen" from competitive figure skating? For this blogger, Katerina Witt was the first, last and only skater to pull this off, so why not honor her by not "going there" with lesser versions?
-- Speaking of music, why are so many of the long program tunes -- for men and women, and even pairs or dancing -- so somber? During the weekend I heard melodies from "Danse Macabre" and "Adagio For Strings" to "Schindler's List" and "Titanic" theme songs -- isn't the audience done with iceberg-inspired soundtracks by now?

Looking forward to future competitions including the 2016 U.S. Figure Skating Championships in St. Paul and the 2016 World Championships in Boston.

Photos by Nicholas Wolaver

 

Searching Sundance

 

With the 2015 Sundance Film Festival kicking off next week, today brought a perceived urgency to search for new Olympic-inspired movies on the docket for the big event in Park City.

As noted in festival preview posts of recent years, Utah's mountain resort -- home to several 2002 Winter Games venues and Team USA training sites -- offers a picture postcard locale at which to debut features and documentaries by accomplished and emerging filmmakers.

From what I can tell, the 2015 schedule at Sundance includes only two five-ringed films. The first appears to be an edgy comedy titled "The Bronze" highlighting the trials and tribulations of a once-famous 2004 Olympic gymnast who achieved much acclaim as a teenager with a third-place finish.

The story jumps ahead 10 years to find the former star now crestfallen, surly and living in her parents' basement as a rising gymnastics talent comes knocking for career advice from the woman she idolizes.

Some aspects of "The Bronze" brought to mind the 2011 film "Young Adult" minus the divorce element. Here's hoping the current release has a few more laughs.

The other Sundance entry -- which also potentially highlights athlete idol worship -- is titled "The Face of Ukraine: Casting Oksana Baiul," a documentary short from Australia.

From the brief details found so far, it looks like up to six girls from across the divided national are vying for the opportunity to portray the 1994 Olympic gold medalist in women's figure skating. Interesting.

I reached out to the publicity contact for both films, hoping more details may arrive soon. Until then, here's the festival's YouTube links regarding "The Bronze" for a sneak peek.

Images via Sundance Institute

Gracie Gold: A Woman On The Move (And On Her iPhone)

My introduction to Gracie Gold took place during the Team USA Olympic Media Summit in Park City, in October.

The 18 year old originally from Newton, Mass., spoke to attendees and performed a skating demonstration, dazzling the crowd who would report on her rising star status as Olympic hopeful.

After seeing her pre-season skate that evening in Utah, it was no surprise Gold emerged the U.S. national champion a few weeks ago.

Here's a young woman on the move.

At least I think it was Gracie on the ice that night -- turns out she has a twin sister, Carly, who also skates at the senior level.

Gold's bio notes in the media summit press book note she aspires to be an orthodontist after her skating career, putting her on a similar track to another U.S. Figure Skating Olympian, Debi Thomas (now a physician).

I haven't yet spotted Gold in Sochi but look forward to the figure skating event on Feb. 19, which will be the last event of these Games for which I have a ticket.

It will be fun to experience first-hand the escalating on-ice competitiveness for Gold, her U.S. teammate Ashley Wagner and the Russian media and skating darling Julia cover girl turned Olympic gold medalist via the team figure skating competition earlier today (wish I'd been there).

Lipnitskaia, Time magazine's European edition

All three of the aforementioned skaters better watch out for reigning Olympic champion Kim Yuna of Korea. She put on a spectacular performance in Vancouver (I was there and it was surprising), and with PyeongChang 2018 on the horizon methinks Yuna has a lot at skate, er, stake.

Who is your favorite in the women's figure skating competition? Please vote in the poll along the right column of this blog (failing to cast a ballot puts everyone on thin ice).

Gracie Gold photos by Nicholas Wolaver except Sochi 2014 image via USA Today; Julia Lipnitskaia photo via EPA/Barbara Walton; Kim Yuna photo via Olympics.org

Notes On Nancy Kerrigan

It is sad news to read the headlines about Olympic silver and bronze medalist Nancy Kerrigan and her family.

This woman has had more than her share of public scrutiny caused by family and friends in and out of the Olympic figure skating world. The latest news is really a shame.

I found Kerrigan to be likeable and interesting to work with when shen visited a client pavilion in Torino at the 2006 Winter Olympics.

Kerrigan was a correspondent for one of the unaccredited media outlets' nightly entertainment shows, and she had some fun working with a professional chef and learning about authentic Italian cooking.

A good sport, Kerrigan made time to talk with fans and guests who recognized her during the TV taping.

Here's hoping things will ease up for Kerrigan in the future.

Photos by Nicholas Wolaver 2006 at Torino

Sorry, Sasha

It was thrilling tonight to see Olympic Figure Skating silver medalist Sasha Cohen give it a shot for the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Team. It would have really been something for her to be a three-peat Olympian after skating at Salt Lake in 2002 and Torino in 2006.

Watching Cohen skate this evening -- during the AT&T 2010 U.S. Figure Skating Championships in Spokane, Wash. -- brought back memories of last March, when Cohen was skating on tour in Atlanta and she took time for a blogger interview rink side at Philips Arena (was it really only 10 months ago when it was uncertain whether she'd be competitively skating now?).

Sorry to see Cohen won't be in Vancouver for the 2010 Winter Olympic figure skating as a returning Olympian, but I have a feeling she'll be spotted around town doing paid appearances to adoring fans.

Best of luck to the U.S. Figure Skaters who apparently will be coming to Vancouver, including Rachel Flatt and Mirai Nagasu (is it just me, or is it too weird to see another U.S. ladies figure skater, Nagasu, head to a Canada Olympiad with music from "Carmen" in her main routine? Not another Debi Thomas, please -- if Nagasu is to skate to Bizet, she better keep her Witts about her).