Gracie Gold Gets Real with Page-Turning Autobiography "Outofshapeworthlessloser"

There's a dose of ominous foreshadowing in the table of contents to Gracie Gold's new autobiography "Outofshapeworthlessloser: A Memoir of Figure Skating, F*cking Up, and Figuring It Out."

Arranged in four parts, the 329-page bestseller includes chapters ranging from "Perfect Obsession" and "Four Is the Loneliest Number" to "Failed Anorexic" and a nod to another dark page-turning literary work (and soundtrack to a skating performance), "East of Eden." 

As reported by initial critical reviews for the book titled after one of Gold's self-disparaging nicknames or personas, her work includes vivid and frank details of life experiences the 28-year-old endured and from which she continues to heal. Anorexia, OCD, pill popping and alcohol abuse populate the club flush of crud and wild Jokers on the table for readers to ponder.  

Gold's mostly no-holds-barred perspectives about U.S. Figure Skating and the unglamorous (often ugly) behind-the-scenes realities of international figure skating competitions also are in full view. Her take on recent doping revelations is aptly stern. She also alleges a rape at the hands of a fellow competitor, references her bisexuality, and delves into nearly three decades of family secrets including her parents and fellow athlete twin sister. 

Impressed (or distressed) the morning after a full read, I described to friends that "Outofshapeworthlessloser" is akin to "watching a slow-motion train wreck or seemingly avoidable car crash" for the narrative's "ability to inspire both gasps and cringes amid an irresistible desire to keep watching, err, reading" with "reader remorse at an inability to take the wheel, inspiring one to holler out, as in a horror movie screening, 'Stop, girl, don't go near there!' or similar when the protagonist in danger is about to make a terrible decision."  

The book also inspired some rabbit hole searches of social media archives to view past posts, images or videos and competition footage referenced by Gold. 

While she did not specifically reference the 2014 Team USA Media Summit at which I reported on her ascent to the Sochi Olympics, Gold did describe her experiences at the 2015 U.S. Figure Skating Championships from which this blogger posted interviews. Some of her harshest on-ice self-flogging is revealed in a chapter describing the 2016 World Figure Skating Championships in Boston. 

There are some light moments, too, that brought a smile or chuckle to this reader. Gold's wry sense of humor shines through some of her interactions with coaches or media. In an early chapter, while detailing work with a youth skating coach nicknamed Cruella, Gold punctuates several paragraphs of verbal abuse with this gem:

"When Cruella lashed out at me, I lashed back louder. Anger was my protection. It got back to me years later that Cruella told people she had always known I'd become a star. I call bullshit! She was doing her best to humiliate me. Or maybe she didn't like me because I stood up to her."

On a more serious note, Gold continues while aptly taking to task the notion of coaching as a bully.

"The years I spent with Cruella normalized the kind of controlling behavior that even if it produces positive results on the ice, can be ruinous to a child's personal development."

Readers may find joy through the Olympian's interactions with Taylor Swift (they baked cookies together) or descriptions of collaboration with sponsors including cosmetics brand CoverGirl. 

In the realm of funny-not funny, Gold describes some of the name-punctuated headlines published to preview Sochi 2014. 

"I remember someone tweeting out to me, 'If I hear one more Gracie Gold headline, I'm going to scream.' And I was like, 'Me too, bud.' It was enough to make me start wishing for a new name. Stacy Silver or Bonnie Bronze, anyone?"

Gold's dry wit also shines in the Chapter 23, in which "chest size and its impact on exercise is absolutely a conversation worth starting." While several notes echoed remarks of female friends who, like Gold, opted for breast reduction surgery, I found the author's self-deprecating comparisons to Charles Schulz drawings -- and her inventive use of (one-time PR client'o'mine) KT Tape -- both original and funny (back in the day, we never had Gold's method in KT press materials). 

The only letdown from "Outofshapeworthlessloser" was Gold's restraint from sharing more than a few sentences about another professional mental health diagnosis: attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), buried on page 246. 

Like Gold, my attention-deficit diagnosis arrived in my mid-20s, and upon reading her disclosure I was eager to learn the treatment options or behavior modifications she chose, only to find a succinct reference that she is "on medication for it" without specifics (for moi, decidedly drug-free and it worked/works when you work it, though it's compelling to admit it took me over two weeks sidelined by countless Instagram scrolls to find focus and complete this book review post).

Juxtaposed with comparative oversharing around other wellness challenges, Gold's omission of ADHD details inspired a wave of questions, starting with the extent to which her physicians or therapists place ADHD as the deepest roots of the battery of her other mental health diagnoses. In my case, the hypochondriac on my shoulder labeled, or mislabeled, a lot of "stuff" that more recent therapists consistently trace back to ADD of youth. 

As her childhood memories fill the early pages of "Outofshapeworthlessloser," Gold describes persistent restlessness. If ice hockey was among her parents' attempted remedies for channeling her boundless energy, can Gold relate to other kids' ADD-ness enlightened by her adult experiences? Guess we'll have to find out in her mid-life or later life follow-up books after planting her ADHD "sea legs" on thick ice. 

Since interview requests for Gold went unanswered by her publicity team, I turned to another source for insights: Karen Crouse, Gold's seldom-cited "Outofshapeworthlessloser" ghost writer. 

As of this March 12 post, only two other book reviewers mentioned Crouse by name. 

Via email, Crouse affirmed my hunch that only Gold could speak more about her ADHD management and the reasons for sparsely addressing the topic. It's perhaps too recent a diagnosis or it's simply not as page-turning urgent as other mental health challenges, from my view.

Crouse also was generous in explaining how she tackled the "Outofshapeworthlessloser" project and when she started the writing on Gold's initiative.

"I signed (gladly) a contract that stated I would ghostwrite Gracie's book and that my name would not appear on the cover or title page," wrote Crouse in a Feb. 26 email response. "I had no issue with that arrangement ... it was plenty good enough for me."

Crouse continued that, "My satisfaction was wholly and richly derived from the collaborative process. I loved the work. From the time I spent talking with Gracie for a 2019 New York Times profile, I suspected that this project would be interesting and profound, with great potential to help many readers who recognize themselves in the challenges [Gold] has faced."

According to Crouse, once a proposal and contract got formalized, the collaboration hastened in early 2022 with "at least three" in person visits as well as phone conversations "at least twice a month ... recorded and that I transcribed myself so I could get a feel for Gracie's vocabulary and speech patterns." 

Rounds of drafts later, the lion's share of work concluded last July. Crouse also volunteered background on the foundation for the text.

"It was Gracie's choice to lay bare her soul in the pages," wrote Crouse. "She told me before I signed on ... that she didn't want 'another fluffy sports memoir' and that was all I needed to hear as I had no interest in hagiography.

"From the start I simply asked the necessary questions to develop and deepen the narrative," Crouse added. "[Gold] provided the compelling stories that I, in concert with our editor, crafted into a coherent - hopefully - structure." 

Gold closes the book's acknowledgements "To Matt Inman for the edits" shortly after a dedication "To Karen Crouse for going on this journey ... and helping me write a better memoir than I could have ever dreamed possible." 

For anyone who can't get enough of Gold's perspectives, Crouse also helped the skater with a thoughtful and timely Olympic figure skating commentary published in The Cut during the Beijing 2022 Winter Games. 

"Outofshapeworthlessloser" is an absorbing read that inspires questions, sheds light in dark corners of international skating, and leaves readers with optimism for Gold's future on or off the ice. No matter the degree to which readers manage ADD, they may find themselves hyper-focused on learning the Olympian's lifetime of hard work. 

As of this post, there are no publicized book signing events in the weeks ahead, but Gold may appear at November's 8th edition of "Scott Hamilton & Friends" in Nashville (where she performed in 2022 and 2023) -- details are posted at this link during summer months.  

Book cover provided by Crown Publishing with book design by Caroline Cunningham. All other images -- except of Karen Crouse's Instagram profile image -- are photos copyright Nicholas Wolaver and may not be published nor reposted without written advance permission. 

Top U.S. Skaters Now Bound for Boston

TV sports coverage brought some exciting moments this weekend.

In addition to learning the Super Bowl 50 teams (Denver and Charlotte), the U.S. Figure Skating National Championships took place in St. Paul, Minn., bringing back memories of skating in the Land of 10,000 Lakes and a trek to the Nationals in Greenville, S.C., a year ago.

Though I was not in the building for the 2016 event, the U.S. Figure Skating P.R. team on site helped answer some emailed questions for the top women on skates: Gracie Gold, Polina Edmunds and Ashley Wagner, who finished Saturday with scores of 210.46, 207.51 and 197.88, respectively. 

Gold's gold medal score set a new record in domestic figure skating scoring at a U.S. Figure Skating qualifying competition, according to this press release. 

All three women, as well as men's medalists Max Aaron, Nathan Chen and Adam Rippon will soon head to the 2016 ISU World Figure Skating Championships from March 28 to April 3 in Boston. 

Pairs skaters and ice dance teams from Team USA will also head to Beantown. 

A slightly different field of Team USA athletes will also compete in Chinese Taipei next month. 

I wanted to know the skaters' preparations for the PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics in relation to the National Championship results. Knowing it was a long shot my questions would reach the women's competitors, I kept things brief and looked to the future, asking "With focus turning to Boston prep, how are you and your coaching team keeping the Korea 2018 Olympic in mind?" and "Is your trek to the next Olympics on schedule, behind schedule or ahead of schedule and how/why?" 

With thanks again to the P.R. team from U.S. Figure Skating for facilitating the questions, Wagner spoke to the Olympic topic.

"My training this year has been so astronomically different than in years past and I have shown up to every single competition so physically prepared for what I need to do," said Wagner. "I think that now we need to reassess a little bit to work on the mental training.

"This year I have committed myself to really attacking everything and so this Nationals -- while it might not be, you know, a gold in the books, at the same time everything that happened was not because I was holding back; I really was attacking everything -- so going into Worlds, hopefully leading up to Korea, it's more about continuing this mindset."

When asked about the pace of her "schedule" for PyeongChang prep, Wagner said, "I think I'm right where I want to be. I would love to be on the top leaving this Nationals but [being] three-time National champion stills holds some weight and goes to show I have staying power."

One surprise from the 2016 event in St. Paul: last year's men's champion, Jason Brown, unfortunately withdrew due to a back injury. It is my understanding the petitioned for a spot on the ISU Worlds and other international competitions, but he was not listed -- even as an alternate -- when the official selections were announced today. Here's hoping for a speedy recovery for Brown. 

Event logos via U.S. Figure Skating; Gold photo via Associated Press; Wagner photo via St. Paul Pioneer Press.

Jason Brown Delivers

 

The 2015 U.S. Figure Skating Championships concluded Sunday with the men's final.

It was fun to see 2014 Olympian Jason Brown rack up a score of 274.98 to win his first U.S. gold, while Adam Rippon achieved the silver and Joshua Farris won the bronze with 272.48 and 267.98, respectively.

The experience writing from the event was eye-opening and good fun. Got reacquainted with several Olympic reporters while making a few new friends with deep knowledge of figure skating. And the Greensboro locals and volunteers were courteous and helpful.

It was my hope to speak briefly with Tara Lipinski and/or Johnny Weir while in attendance. Unfortunately, Tara was busy as there was no Weir to be found except with her in the NBC booth overlooking the ice -- maybe next time.

I did, however, have the pleasure of spotting and introducing myself to Brian Boitano, an approachable and friendly Olympic champion. It hardly seems possible next month marks 27 years since his gold medal performance in Calgary.

There are still a few unanswered questions from the overall experience:

-- When audience members toss plush toys, flowers or other gifts onto the ice for competitors, why do the girls and boys who retrieve these items (to clear the ice) skate with their arms extended like Stretch Armstrong?
-- When will coaches and female athletes at last retire the music and costumes of "Carmen" from competitive figure skating? For this blogger, Katerina Witt was the first, last and only skater to pull this off, so why not honor her by not "going there" with lesser versions?
-- Speaking of music, why are so many of the long program tunes -- for men and women, and even pairs or dancing -- so somber? During the weekend I heard melodies from "Danse Macabre" and "Adagio For Strings" to "Schindler's List" and "Titanic" theme songs -- isn't the audience done with iceberg-inspired soundtracks by now?

Looking forward to future competitions including the 2016 U.S. Figure Skating Championships in St. Paul and the 2016 World Championships in Boston.

Photos by Nicholas Wolaver

 

Big Night In Greensboro

Saturday was a big day of driving and skating, and a bigger night for the ladies' final at the 2015 U.S. Figure Skating Championships in Greensboro, N.C.

The results are in and Ashley Wagner is on top while 2014 U.S. Champion Gracie Gold took the silver. Wagner's total score was 221.02 while Gold earned the silver with 205.54.

Karen Chen, who was sixth going into the final long program, moved up to third with a total of 199.79. Polina Edmunds ended the day fourth with 192.62.

It was a fun experience covering the #NC2015 event, with to highlights, one by the ice and one behind-the-scenes.

Rink-side standing room in the photo pit is better than a front-row seat. It was great fun to enjoy press room access to this area, and to snap a few shots during the ladies' final programs.

Wagner, Gold, Chen and Edmunds performed well under pressure to the delight of a nearly-full crowd inside Greeensboro Coliseum (11,416 was the official tally of ticket holders).

Following the medal ceremony the top three skaters took time for a press conference during which

USA Today's Christine Brennan posed a question to Wagner and Gold, inquiring about the likelihood their careers may take emerge as a high profile rivalry the likes of which the skating world has not seen since 1994 or 1988.

Gold responded she thinks the duo will maintain "the friendliest rivalry in skating," and she paraphrased a saying she read online stating "those who slay together stay together."

More responses appeared in Brennan's report, the local News & Record and other outlets in attendance. The Associated Press duo on site helped me get up to speed on skating.

Wagner was frank about the evening's results making a statement to those who started doubting the champion's abilities.

"This was my first competition with two solid performances (short program and long program), and I'm really happy with tonight," she said. "[The results] show every person who doubts me ... they need to shut their mouths and watch me skate."

Later during the Q&A, Wagner answered a question about her prep for Greensboro, and she mentioned a quote she keeps posted on her mirror that "passion has a way of trumping logic."

After the group session concluded, I was fortunate enough to speak 1x1 with Gold and ask the extent to which she also has similar mottos or keepsakes that inspire her.

"I have three pillows with sayings on them," said Gold. "My mom and I like to go to estate sales and garage sales, and I found them their [at a sale."

She explained the matching set has an organic, earthy feeling (the fabric and style) with related sayings, one of which was "... one day she woke up and she believed."

The prospect of bumping into an Olympian and champion skater at a garage sale seems like something worth believing.

Given Gold's recent hangouts with the likes of Taylor Swift and Lorde, maybe more estate sales will pop up on Catalina Island.

Photos by Nicholas Wolaver

Three Pairs

At the 2015 U.S. Figure Skating Championships the pairs final just ended.

From press row on the far end of Greensboro Coliseum, it was great fun to witness skating duos Alexa Scimeca and Christopher Knierim, Haven Denney and Brandon Frazier, as well as Tarah Kayne and Danny O'Shea placing first, second and third, respectively.

I have a lot to learn about the skating lingo, but sitting near the Associated Press team and other veteran figure skating reporters, it's getting easier to tell when something special just happened or was a near miss on the ice.

For instance, when Denney/Frazier skated to a mix of music from "The Lion King" I thought one of their lifts achieved a lot of air (as shown below) but I'm told it was so-so (any air time on a thin blade cutting ice seems miraculous to this guy).

And the buzz in the press room is that during their skate to Gershwin's "An American In Paris" the gold medalists Scimeca/Knierim achieved the first U.S. quad throw twist (???) which must be difficult (I'm old enough to recall when many triples were the new big thing in skating).

At the post-final press conference, Knierim said he was "super shocked at the scores" while his partner said the "program was a nail-biter for me" (me, too, as my camera struggled to keep up with the quad).

In spite of their bronze finish, my personal favorite performance was Kayne/O'Shea as they skated to selections from the "Spartacus" soundtrack; graceful and emotional. And they seemed to be the most relaxed.

The certified scores: Scimeca/Knierim with 210.49; Denney/Frazier with 199.92; and Kayne/O'Shea with 185.31.

Looking forward to all the single ladies later this evening.

Photos by Nicholas Wolaver

Breaking the Ice in Greensboro, N.C.

I'm not an uber fan of figure skating.

 

On par with seasonally tuning in to only championship events like the Super Bowl, Wimbledon or the World Series as touchstones for limited fandom, my attention for skating usually comes in tandem with the Winter Olympiad.

But the curious convergence of good weather, an open calendar and Atlanta's proximity to Greensboro, N.C. -- site of the 2015 U.S. Figure Skating Championships underway -- brought a last-

minute opportunity to trek to The Gate City to see some top figure skaters in person.

Glad to be here; though not my first time in this part of the Carolinas, the experience at #NC2015 is going well considering I just drove five hours and got set up in the press room. The championship pairs free skate is underway, so heading to the media seating shortly.

I won't pretend to know the latest stats and facts on this year's favorites, though coverage by some of the media here (led by the hometown News & Record) helped me get up to speed that several Sochi Olympians including Ashley Wagner, Gracie Gold, Jason Brown and others are poised for success in the finals later today and tomorrow.

More updates and photos from the experience to follow.

Logo via U.S. Figure Skating. Photo from 2013 by Nicholas Wolaver.

Gracie Gold: A Woman On The Move (And On Her iPhone)

My introduction to Gracie Gold took place during the Team USA Olympic Media Summit in Park City, in October.

The 18 year old originally from Newton, Mass., spoke to attendees and performed a skating demonstration, dazzling the crowd who would report on her rising star status as Olympic hopeful.

After seeing her pre-season skate that evening in Utah, it was no surprise Gold emerged the U.S. national champion a few weeks ago.

Here's a young woman on the move.

At least I think it was Gracie on the ice that night -- turns out she has a twin sister, Carly, who also skates at the senior level.

Gold's bio notes in the media summit press book note she aspires to be an orthodontist after her skating career, putting her on a similar track to another U.S. Figure Skating Olympian, Debi Thomas (now a physician).

I haven't yet spotted Gold in Sochi but look forward to the figure skating event on Feb. 19, which will be the last event of these Games for which I have a ticket.

It will be fun to experience first-hand the escalating on-ice competitiveness for Gold, her U.S. teammate Ashley Wagner and the Russian media and skating darling Julia cover girl turned Olympic gold medalist via the team figure skating competition earlier today (wish I'd been there).

Lipnitskaia, Time magazine's European edition

All three of the aforementioned skaters better watch out for reigning Olympic champion Kim Yuna of Korea. She put on a spectacular performance in Vancouver (I was there and it was surprising), and with PyeongChang 2018 on the horizon methinks Yuna has a lot at skate, er, stake.

Who is your favorite in the women's figure skating competition? Please vote in the poll along the right column of this blog (failing to cast a ballot puts everyone on thin ice).

Gracie Gold photos by Nicholas Wolaver except Sochi 2014 image via USA Today; Julia Lipnitskaia photo via EPA/Barbara Walton; Kim Yuna photo via Olympics.org

Sorry, Sasha

It was thrilling tonight to see Olympic Figure Skating silver medalist Sasha Cohen give it a shot for the 2010 Vancouver Olympic Team. It would have really been something for her to be a three-peat Olympian after skating at Salt Lake in 2002 and Torino in 2006.

Watching Cohen skate this evening -- during the AT&T 2010 U.S. Figure Skating Championships in Spokane, Wash. -- brought back memories of last March, when Cohen was skating on tour in Atlanta and she took time for a blogger interview rink side at Philips Arena (was it really only 10 months ago when it was uncertain whether she'd be competitively skating now?).

Sorry to see Cohen won't be in Vancouver for the 2010 Winter Olympic figure skating as a returning Olympian, but I have a feeling she'll be spotted around town doing paid appearances to adoring fans.

Best of luck to the U.S. Figure Skaters who apparently will be coming to Vancouver, including Rachel Flatt and Mirai Nagasu (is it just me, or is it too weird to see another U.S. ladies figure skater, Nagasu, head to a Canada Olympiad with music from "Carmen" in her main routine? Not another Debi Thomas, please -- if Nagasu is to skate to Bizet, she better keep her Witts about her).